“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31)
Robbie and I both agreed today that we just couldn’t leave you hanging about her return from Hawaii. In fact, that trip has changed our relationship. I don’t take her for granted like I did before she left; and she can’t figure out what in the world has happened to me!
Listen. I’m not quite sure I know myself, except to say that two weeks without her forced me to question what was so special about her. Once I figured all that out, I decided to write it down and promised myself to tell her when she returned. I told her things that I’ve never told her, even though I’ve always wanted to say them. I guess the stereotype of what kind of husband I should be for her kept me from bearing my soul and sharing my inner most thoughts with her. I am glad that I have finally abandoned such foolish thinking.
I never read the 1992 Best Seller, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but those who have tell me that I am applying the same principles in my own marriage that author John Gray argues will take couples to new levels in their relationship. I don’t know about that, but I do believe that our culture trains boys and girls to be different. We teach girls that they can cry when they’re sad, talk about their feelings, and share experiences with each other. But woe to the little boy who would even think about such things. We teach them to be “manly”, to hide their tears, to be the rock on which females can rely one day. Is it any wonder that we carry those learned behaviors into our marriage?
The beauty from all of this is that Robbie and I realize we are not just best friends, or husband and wife. We are kindred spirits. Indeed, we have become one flesh, just as the Word of God says we should. We really do have a marriage made in heaven.
So here’s an opportunity for you to learn at my expense. I thought my marriage was as good as it could ever be until I decided to lower some of the walls around my life and let Robbie enjoy a part of me that she always knew was there. It has taken our marriage to another level, one that God wants us to have.
Here are a couple of things I’ve learned from this experience:
Keep God at the center of your marriage. Robbie and I both pray, but we rarely pray together. We now wrap our arms around each other every night before we go to sleep and thank the Lord for the marriage he has given to us, not to mention the many blessings we enjoy. Something very special happens when you allow God to be a partner in your marriage.
Love is meant to be shown, not just known. Don’t just tell your husband or wife that you love them. Tell each other why you love them. Intimacy involves much more than a physical relationship.
Husbands, love your wives: Guys, the Bible says that we should love our wives just as Christ loved the Church. That means that we’ve got to be willing to make a few sacrifices. For me, it meant I had to spend a little time on “Venus”. In other words, I needed to be willing to love Robbie on her terms. I’m so glad I crossed that bridge.
Robbie and I laugh about the change in me, mainly because it came so suddenly. But we don’t laugh about the change in our relationship. We love each other more deeply than we ever thought possible. And we’re grateful to God for showing us the way.
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