“And Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” (Genesis 25:28)
I am a product of a blended family. In other words, as a child I lived under the same roof with a parent and a stepparent, both of whom were rearing children of their own.
I am now the head of a blended family. And while my whole perspective about it has changed, one thing hasn’t: Harmony in a blended family is a difficult to sustain.
I am ashamed to admit this, but when I married my wife eleven years ago, I told her that she shouldn’t expect me to love her children as much as I loved my own. I even let her know that I didn’t expect her to show the same measure of love for my children that she showed for her children. “That’s something that may come over time,” I told her, “but you just can’t expect it to happen overnight.”
The older I get the more I realize that I’ve been a bigger part of the problem than I may care to admit when it comes to relationships within my family. Obviously, in 1992, it was one of the areas in my life that was in need of a lot of work.
Sadly, some of you probably agree with what I said about blended family relationships. In fact, you may even apply that standard in situations where an adopted child lives with you and your biological children; or maybe you think it’s okay to play favorites among your own children. But the truth is it’s not the model of character that God wants your children or anyone else to see in you.
God does not expect parents to play favorites when it comes to their children. In fact, it was so important to him that he dealt with it in the first book of His Word. Genesis records that Jacob and Esau, twin brothers, were victimized by parents who were less than even-handed in their relationships with their children.
Esau was the older brother, even though it was by minutes, so Jewish law conferred the rights of the firstborn upon Esau. That means when Isaac died, Esau would get a double portion of his estate and become head of the family.
Because Rebekah loved Jacob more than she loved Esau, she conspired with Jacob to fool Isaac into granting Esau’s birthright to Jacob. Even Jacob had problems with the scheme, which prompted his mother to say, “My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say.” (Genesis 27:13)
The Bible records that their trick worked and Jacob, with the help of his own mother, stole his brother’s birthright.
Favoritism like Isaac and Rebekah displayed in their family set the stage for a lot of heartache and bitterness. Esau and Jacob ultimately reconciled their differences, but the Bible also points out that Esau carried unforgiveness around with him for years.
Parents who show partiality to one child are often blind to the good in the other child. But the real danger is that when parents treat children unfairly, it may not only drive the unfairly treated child away from home, but from God, too.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to face Jesus and have to explain why I can’t try to love my stepchild as much as I do my own child. That’s wrong and I’ve asked God to forgive me, not just for making such stupid statements, but for acting them out so shamelessly in my own life.
Salvation doesn’t just change people on the outside. In fact, the greatest change really comes from within. For some of us a change of heart might not show up immediately in our relationships with others. But true salvation will ultimately force us to look differently at the world and how we relate to it. In my case, it changed the whole way I feel about my family. I guess that’s what Paul was talking about when he said, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
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